Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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