Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
