I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
