We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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