We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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