so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
