I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
