So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
