Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
