I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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