i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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