Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
