Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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