brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
