I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
