That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
