yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The Olympian is in my bed
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
