Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
