I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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