If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
