I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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