the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
And then he peed in my hair
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