if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
