Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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