i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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