zippers are such a cool invention
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
