I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
