I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
