Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
