why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
