**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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