hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Randomize
