if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
