Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
