so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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