you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
