Non-Jews are for practice
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The beer is more important than you right now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
