I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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