my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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