i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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