im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
