Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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