I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
