This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
