Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
