put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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