My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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