So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
