ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
