remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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