Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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