You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize