I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
