I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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