I got chris browned last night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
