he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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