So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
