the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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