he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize