U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
