I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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