all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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