just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
