Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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