It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
