JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize