Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
