Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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